Some lessons on Men/Women

" To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

" Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

" A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

" A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

" People used to bug me about getting married, especially my aunties. In fact, they would usually come up to me at weddings; poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next". They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

" In a certain town, there's a church where the pastor declared a thanksgiving day for married couples. He said that the husbands will have to dance and drop tangible offerings to thank God for the beauty of their wives. While others were dropping five thousand naira upwards, a man dropped only fifty naira and hissed. The pastor on noticing it, called him for interrogation.

Pastor: "Brother, why did you drop only fifty naira, while others dropped far more?
Brother: "Hmm Pastor, I think you should see my wife yourself!"
Pastor: "Alright, where is she?"
The brother pointed out his wife in the congregation. After which the pastor shouted, "Usher, usher, please come quickly, this brother dropped fifty naira. Abeg, please give him twenty naira change."

EVE......

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful...
...WOMEN!

 

AND ADAM......

If you kiss him, you are easy
If you don't, you are frigid
If you praise him, he thinks you are fake
If you don't, he thinks you are ungrateful
If you agree to all his likes, you are submissive
If you don't, you are controling
If you visit him often, he thinks you're desperate
If you don't, he thinks you're not interested
If you are well dressed, he says you are vain
If you don't, you are a dog
If you are jealous, he say's you're possessive
If you're not, then he fools around
If you attempt a romance, he say's you are cheap
If you don't, he thinks you are cold
If you are a minute late, he says you are fussy
If he is late, he says you're impatient
If you visit another man, you are fooling around
If he is visited by another woman, "oh we're just friends"
If you kiss him once in a while, he says you're too shy
If you kiss him often, he says you're too forward
If he fails to help you in crossing the street, he brings up the feminist movement
If he does, he expects to be rewarded
If you stare at another woman, he says you're jealous
If he is stared by other men, boy, you're in big trouble..
If you talk, it's always too much
If you listen, it's never enough
In short:
So complex, yet so predictable
So macho, yet so sensitive (usually to their own feelings)
So confusing, yet so funny
but most of all,
So irritating, yet so irresistible
...MEN!

WHAT PRICE

" My wife and I were shopping at a mall, when a shapely young woman in a figure hugging mini dress strolled by. My eyes followed her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "I hope it's worth the trouble you're in?"